Thanatos
by A Tired Writer
Summary: Aigis wonders why she feels this way.


My first one-shot and it's all sadness.

Pairings: Ryoji/Minato, one-sided Aigis/Minato, hinted Shinji/Akihiko, mentioned Junpei/Chidori, passing reference to Minato/Others.

The song I'm referring to Thanatos (from NGE) is sung by Loren & Mash, it's a beautiful song and also suits this.

* * *

She does not understand what Minato sees in Mochizuki, does not understand why she can hear his heart begin to flutter in his chest whenever the scarf wearing boy gives him a smile. She notices that Mochizuki's heart does the same but she wonders if he truly has a heart.

Logically she knows that most things that appear human must have a heart that beats and flutters in their chest or that skips about and stops at any given moment but she has a human appearance and while she does not have the muscle she has her Papillion Heart. She knows that they describe their heart leaping into their throat, knows that they describe their heart falling like a heavy stone into the pit of their stomach and settling there. Her heart does not act like that and after Fuuka kindly explains that their heart does not actually do such a thing but instead they use such phrases to describe their emotional state. She wants to know just why Minato's heart acts like that.

There is nothing special about Mochizuki, he flirts too much, he feels odd, and he is always around Minato.

Minato shouldn't get close to Mochizuki. Mochizuki is dangerous and will harm him in the end. She does not remember why this is or what causes her to think this way but she knows that she is right.

She _is_ right.

::

Aigis heads to the rooftop where she knows Minato likes to sneak out with Mochizuki and she finds the door ajar and peeks through hearing a melody, then she sees them moving slightly two enamored figures with the sun setting at their side.

Mochizuki is slow dancing with Minato. Minato has his head resting on Mochizuki's shoulder, face pressed into his neck while Mochizuki rests his cheek on Minato's side of his head his eyes closed as the song finishes. They part ever so slightly so they can see each other's faces and smile at each other and it makes Aigis feel like something is crushing her chest and there's a strange feeling emanating from her stomach. Her hands clench on the door knob causing it to bend but she keeps watching, ready to spring into action should Mochizuki be prepared to hurt Minato.

The faint croon of a woman is heard, singing beautifully as Mochizuki and Minato begin a slow waltz on the rooftop. _"'Cause every breath that I take I breathe it for you."_ Aigis watches feeling her jaw tighten and her shoulders begin to tremble as the two share slow, short kisses as they lean into each other. _"What am I if I can't be yours?"_ Aigis watches how Ryoji dips Minato lovingly and gives him a smile receiving a beautiful one in return. Slowly he straightens them both and lightly peppers kisses on Minato's brow as their hands clasped the others tightly as they stare into each other's eyes. And it's a beautiful sight, the sun setting hitting them in the right angles, Minato looks beautiful with bright, love filled eyes and a gorgeous seldom seen smile. Mochizuki looks at him as if he's handed him the world.

Aigis feels something boiling inside of her and she walks away hurriedly. Mochizuki is dangerous, Minato will only be hurt. She is right. **She is right.**

Koromaru stares at her with knowing red eyes but says nothing as she sits down tense and perfect on the chair in the lounge.

 _(That I may not be what I think I am)_

She is right. She is right.

::

 _(Can't even run from the pain, can't shed a tear now.)_

Aigis _is_ right. She is right beyond words and some part of her wants to stand and point out that she is correct but logically she knows that this is neither the time nor the place to do so. While everyone is deeply immersed in their deep thoughts Aigis looks towards Minato to find him staring at the door. He look hollowed out, like something had carved out a piece of him. He looks ashen and she feels odd like she's risen and fallen all at once.

When Minato stands and leaves abruptly no one calls them back too deeply immersed in their own worlds left to ponder their possible deaths and Aigis wishes for someone to call him down and demand an explanation, why is he so attached to Mochizuki when he will kill them all?

Why? Why? Why can't he look at her like- _(I realize we're not the same)_ she frowns suddenly stricken by the thought and wonders as to why her thoughts became that way. She cared for Minato as she cared for others but she felt that it had been guilt that had more or less caused her to attach herself to him but… no she had gotten to know him. She had received his smile, received his attention. Aigis ponders this long after everyone has gone to bed.

Aigis hears soft, muffled crying in the room below her and knows that it is Minato after Mochizuki disappears. She leaves her room and hangs by the bottom steps of the second floor and she wonders why there is a crushing pressure in her chest as she continues to hear Minato's cries. She spies Junpei staring out of the window and he turns to her giving her a smile that falls flat and edges more towards a grimace. "He's pretty torn up about it." He says without prompting "He really loved Ryoji."

Aigis remembers the waltz on the rooftop and how Ryoji dipped Minato lovingly before he straightened them both and lightly peppered kisses on his brow as their hands clasped the others tightly as they stared into each other's eyes. Her hands clench into fists reflexively "I know." she whispers, voice pitching high and she wonders why she feels a stinging in the back of her corneas.

"I know how he feels." Junpei admits turning back to stare out of the window perhaps to give her some privacy if she does cry. "With Chidori, I mean. I loved her and when she died I felt like somebody had ripped out a piece of my soul," he turns back to her "but I can't comfort my best friend." He looks out of the window fiddling with his hat "Chidori is alive even if she'll never remember anything and I've got Trismegistus to always remember her by." He smiles bitterly "Minato doesn't have that. All he's got is a ring and usually humans only give rings to their best friends, their kids, or the people they'll end up marrying."

Aigis can still hear the crying and she feels something bubbling in the pit of herself but she doesn't know what it is. She does but she doesn't want to give it a name lest it be anger or jealousy. "They do?"

She knows this, she's watched enough television with Koromaru to know what a ring signifies but for some reason, she wants to continue listening.

"Well I wouldn't know the extent of their relationship other than the way they acted. I mean I saw how Minato was with the other girls but he was never like that around Ryoji."

"Koishiteru." Both jump at the soft voice and spy Akihiko and Ken standing near the hallway apparently having heard their conversation or couldn't sleep because of the crying or the thought of their own death being imminent.

"I'm sorry, what?"

Ken straightens staring up at Aigis with a quiet somberness in his eyes that is more prevalent now that Aragaki is gone and their leader is distressed. "Koishiteru is what sempai used to say to Ryoji." He informs them with a light blush at having heard something so private.

Aigis snaps her head towards Junpei hearing him hiss and frowns when he doesn't clarify and Akihiko in a sudden show of emotional intelligence steps forward "There are three stages of love that humans have in Japan. _Daisuki_ is usually used for friends and family or someone you're in an early relationship with. _Aishiteru_ is for a more serious relationship. _Koishiteru_ …" Akihiko wets his lips a nostalgic look in his eyes tinged with sadness and a longing at what could have been or perhaps what had been and Aigis wonders if he and Aragaki may have—"koishiteru is used for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with."

"Ryoji-san used to say it to sempai as well when he was over."

The crying still continues and Aigis feels a hammering in her chest, the stinging in her eyes, and a sense of something cold and angry settle onto her shoulders. _'Stay away from him, he is dangerous!'_

She _was_ right. She _is_ right because Mochizuki is Death. Mochizuki will bring the Fall to them. She _is_ right.

She wants to be _wrong_ , wants Mochizuki to suddenly pop through the door with that infuriating smile on his face and flirt shamelessly with the other girls and much more subtly with the boys before giving Minato that special ( _idiotic_ ), enamored smile of his. She wants Mochizuki to come back and end Minato's tears. She wants him to end those tears because she knows that she cannot and never will be able to end them herself, not unless she brings Mochizuki back.

 _["Humans are supposed to love everyone, but we don't. It's why we're so different. Because very few people are liked." Fuuka says as she helps Aigis change into her school uniform again after she's ripped it to pieces the third time. Her eyes are nostalgic and she seems to go off into a different world "But when you like and love someone, it's like nothing in the world can go wrong." Fuuka gives her a bright, innocent smile "To be loved _and _liked by someone... it's a beautiful feeling."]_

Her mind flashes back to the waltz and she ducks her head as she feels like the world has been swept out from under her feet. _"So I must, let us break free. I can never be what you need."_ She realizes with a sharp, biting bitterness that she has lost. She may have been right, she may have won by sealing Mochizuki's true form into Minato ten years ago, but she has lost. The one thing she feels, she knows that she wants is something that is now lost to her. She lost to Death in an entirely different way than she has ever witnessed. She had... She had...

 _["A Heart is a delicate thing, Aigis," Fuuka says as she tinkers with one of Minato's spare headphones. "Humans can die from a broken heart." She gives her a patient smile "Their heart does not actually break, but it hurts. It feels like someone rips it apart and takes your soul with it. Your ribcage is left hanging open and bleeding before you're left in the dark with no light at the end of the tunnel." Fuuka's gaze drifts to her cell phone that is now has a small sun trinket attached to it. "It feels like there is nothing left but to wallow away in the emptiness."]_

 _(But this is the one impossible dream to live…)_ She had wanted Minato to look at her like that, like she is the very center of his world. Like she...

Aigis feels that familiar burning in the back of her eyes as she feels out of place again, out of the ordinary surrounded by humans yet knowing that she can and never will be one. Her hands tremble at her side and even though she has no taste buds, has no need for food, she tastes something disgusting at the back of her throat and she wishes she was wrong.

(' _Cause we can't fulfill our dream/ In this land)_ Had she intruded in their short-lived dream? Had she ruined them? But she wanted...

 _"Ryoji."_ She manages to hear through the muffled sobbing and something inside of her breaks feeling like it's landed at her feet and nothing will ever put it back together again.

She wonders if this is what heartbreak is.


End file.
